A few weeks ago, I spent Friday night and home and just watched movies on TV. Two movies came on AMC that night that I will always watch when they’re on: Fear and Outbreak. I have realized that both of these movies scare the crap out of me. And not in that “I can’t sleep afterward” way, but more in a “two weeks later I think about this movie and feel creeped out” way. They have also fed into very real fears/beliefs that I have about life.
Starting with Fear:
1. I believe that really hot guys are probably psychotic.
Just think about it. Think about the “hot guys” in high school. They were all nuts. Or mildly retarded.
2. If your boyfriend is jealous of your parents, this relationship is not going to end well.
He may not try to kill your dad, but this quality speaks to his overall state of crazy.
3. When your boyfriend has no job, is not attending school, and lives in a house with a bunch of guys in the same state of affairs, he is undateable.
A group of guys living together with no knowable income begs the question, “where is the money coming from?” Either they’re drug dealing or are spoiled with rich parents. Neither are desireable.
4. Don’t give your boyfriend the security code to your house.
EVER.
Now, Outbreak:
1. No one should have a pet monkey.
They will either give you a scary disease or spit on you. Or rip your face off.
2. If your boyfriend gets off a plane and looks like he’s about to die, don’t make out with him in the airport.
I don’t care if he is Patrick Dempsey. That girl could’ve lived if she didn’t engage in PDA at the airport with her hot boyfriend that didn’t look so hot at the time.
3. Every time a report of SARS or bird flu or mad cow disease comes on the news, I automatically wonder if Dustin Hoffman is on this.
Dustin Hoffman means business.
4. The movies are the perfect place to pick up an infectious disease.
Seriously.
